Give Me Strength

I always thought when i got done with my bachelor's degree that finding a job would be easy...well for some that might be so.  For me it isn't! No one wants an older mother who has been a stay at home mom.  They have overlooked my extensive volunteer experience, my ability to run a home based business, my ability to juggle a home, family, school...all at one time.  I just don't understand!  I want to work, i am ready to work, i am responsible...why don't people want that!

I am discouraged and saddened.  I love being a stay at home mom and i love taking care of my family but my time to go back to work is NOW.  I need it for my own sanity.  I need adult interactions and meaningful work.  I want to prove what i can do.  I have always felt a step lower than my working friends, i am smart and i am good at what i do.  I just wish i could express that to others.  They look at my resume and go straight to my work history which was sparse before starting my daycare.  In high school and college i worked two or three jobs sometimes 60 hours a week...but they don't see that.  All they see is a person who has only worked restaurants and daycares and has no TRUE experience.  I am beat.  I am tired of explaining how smart i am, how well i multi-task, how great i am at the computer.  How even though i have kids and a family that i am dependable and will come to work on time and consistently!

I am nauseated at the thought that we want a third baby and it might happen before i find a job and because of that i might never find a job.  If it is hard to find work now i can't imagine anyone in their right mind hiring someone who will need a maternity leave or all the appointments that go along with a newborn.  I am confused and unsure of what i am doing...i am conflicted.  I am wondering if i should put my desires for another baby on hold for awhile to pursue my dreams for a career.  When i know that now is the best time for another child.  The fact that we don't want to wait any longer, we don't want to be older parents, we want our children close in age. 

Is it really that important to find a job? Do i need a career to feel complete? Will my husband  be happy if i don't find work right away? I am just not sure...i am scared, i am tired, i am beat....i want this to be easy even when i know this is my biggest challenge yet! I am ready to push through this and reach my goals but i am not going to give up myself and y beliefs to get there. 

I need a company who is family friendly and willing to let me prove myself.  I want to find a company who will encourage me and push me to do bigger and better things.  I know i will find it but please God let me have the strength and patience to wait for the perfect time to come! I really need it right now!

It's been a long time

To say that i have fell out of blogging would be an understatement....i have fell off the planet, well except Facebook! It seems that i have made myself overplanned and overworked all summer. I feel like the job of a stay at home mom is even crazier now that usual.We took a month long vacation to visit family in Iowa.  Luckily the trip was very relaxing and i was able to meet my sister Katrina with whom i feel like i was able to have a great connection with.  Just recently i found out Katrina is expecting so i will become an aunt again, an unexpected but wonderful surprise. The kids got to ride four wheelers and go carts all day and even fish a couple of times but mainly we just laid low and spent time together which was much needed.

Currently, I have been looking for jobs a couple of hours a day. I have had a few interviews here and threr but most of them don't pay well so we have declined the positions.  I am going back on Monday for my second interview for a job that seems perfect for me but again the pay is borderline...but we might have to compromise as a family and take something below what we want so i can get started.

 I have been doing photoshoots at the rate of almost 1 a week (which is alot for this beginner). I am loving it.  I have been getting more and more props and getting better at rearranging my house to accommodate shoots i have indoors.  I am really really hoping that for Christmas i can get some good lighting because that is my main issue right now! We are also looking into a better camera but we will see what happens!

 I have been volunteering at Hailey's school weekly or more...and the doctor appoinments have been weekly for the past month.  Combine all that together with our normal everyday life and the beginning of school and school activities i think i might go crazy! Hailey is playing Fall soccer again this year so we have two practices and a game each week.  On top of that she is a Girl Scout and has usually two meetings a month.  Then i am a PTA mom and have one monthly meeting and about 4 activities every month....so it can get a little hectic on the schedule.

BUT i am very thankful for my hectic life.  I figure it means we are living life to the fullest.  We are not sitting home being couch potatoes or lazy bums but spending time doing the things we love most.  Sometimes i just want to relax and have a break so i am trying t oschedule more alone/relax time into our schedule but i know as the kids get older they will start doing more on their own and will need us less freeing up some time.  I don't want to miss a second of their activities.  School has taken up so much of my time i have had to miss many of these activities and i won't miss any voluntarily again soon! Those moments are so very precious!!!

I wanted to add some of my photos from this summer and the photoshoots i have been doing! Hopefully it won't be this long again before i write but i can't promise that.  O yeah and we are trying for our third and last child currently so my hectic life will be blessed with a little more chaos and we couldn't be happier with our decision! I will make sure to update you when it actually happens.

I didn't mean to send that last message so soon. I have found my little sister. She is almost 18 and very beautiful! She wants to meet soon! Very cool.

We have found my little sister. Don

Photoshoot in less than 40 minutes. I am thrilled to do this for Star! Gorgeous day!!!

Okay I am trying to add an update from my phone. If this works I am going to be thrilled!

Another Cutie!

Graduaton-FINALLY HERE!

Well i am officially a college graduate, not just another associate degree and yes i have two of those but finally my bachelor's! I am a 30 year old who has finally accomplished the greatest achievement for myself EVER! I have been walking on the moon ever since i took my "final" final yesterday. i am sure Sunday when i walk and shake that hand i will be even more elated. I have never in my life felt so good about something i have done, my mom is so proud, my kids are excited and my husband has been praising me all week. I am sitting here crying thinking of what a hard time i have had getting here. It has been a true struggle both financially and emotionally. It has taken precious time from my kids and my husband that i can never get back, it has left me exhausted and wore down.....BUT it is the best thing i have ever done.

I have learned a lot about myself and the strength i have. I have learned that i can do anything i set my mind too. I have gained self-esteem and the will to keep trying for something bigger and better. I have learned that busy is good. I have learned that the world is so much bigger than where i live and i have it GREAT compared to a vast majority of the world. I am BLESSED beyond what i can express. School has given me the courage to look beyond my dreams and shoot for the stars. I can do anything....and i will!

I have decided that i will go back for my master's at some point. It is a goal i have set for myself for the very distant future. I have faith and it is a goal i will complete, i will succeed. BUT for now i am going to enjoy my family. Enjoy my photography. Enjoy looking for a position in a career i am passionate about. Enjoy the summer. Enjoy watching my kids grow up with a mom who will make all the soccer games, PTA meetings, and girl scouts. I mom who has the time to spend quality time on her family and just enjoy everyone and everything!

I am getting ready to start a new chapter in my life and i feel it truly is the best time i have ever had. I am BLESSED! I am blessed!

2nd Infant Shoot!!

I am really getting into this Photoshop thing...it is highly addictive! I have done two infant shoots and a maternity shoot. Then Monday i have another shoot that is an engagement/wedding shoot for a good friend of mine who just got married a couple of weeks ago...they wanted it simple at the courthouse and haven't gotten any pics yet of just the two of them! I am still learning and see so many flaws in what i am doing but i know it is a learning progress and i am learning new techniques every day! Here are a couple of pics of my most recent infant shoot. Hope you like them!

Newborn Photography

I did some FREE photoshoots this week with two adorable newborns, 14 day old Sophia and 21 day old Aiden. I wanted to help build up my portfolio for opening up Erin Steele Photography! We had a great time and got some amazing pictures, above what i ever could have dreamed. I am excited at all these great opportunities coming my way and hope it means a bright future!

My First Wedding Gig

I am hoping that this will be a vision of things to come but only time will tell...

I am really excited that my hobby could actually help support my family, being FUN in the process. They say you should go to work happy everyday and a photography job could do just that. My photoshop skills have drasticly improved over the past two weeks and i know that everytime i use it i will only get better and better. The chance to make memories last forever is priceless! My first main photoshoots over the next two months is actually going to have all proceeds donated to a family friend who is 31 with cancer. It will hopefully draw in some people and spread my name around while still doing a great thing to help a friend. I am stoked!

I am sorry my posts have been so far apart and haven't had much detail but i have been crazy busy finishing up my last semester of school. I am done in 8 weeks and have a very ful schedule until then. I just can't wait!!