Race For A Cure

Hailey and me walked in the Susan G. Comen Race for a Cure on Saturday and it was a great morning.  The weather was absolutely perfect, cool and sunny! Everyone could feel the power and happiness...pushing for the greater good. It was a mazing seeing all the survivors with their flowers and lives....

  I had to stop myself numerous times from crying because the emotional toll of the morning was hard to take.  I listened closely to the stories of survival and death...i tried to take it all in and remember.  I thought about my family that were taken too soon.  I thought about how my kids didn't get to spend time with them and how i didn't spend enough time with them.  I thought about how their kids didn't get enough time with them.  I thought about the good times and thougth about the time when we will all see each other again soon.  It was a breezy day and i remembered that we always say the wind are a way for the sdeceased to give us kisses! I pray for a cure! We miss you so much!!

In memory of:

Renee Lasse  -my grandmother

Diane Domeyer -my grandmother

Debbie Domeyer  -my aunt

Chrissy Wegmann  - my aunt



God has a plan

It is the plan i have wanted but worried about.  I don't know what the future holds but it looks so much brighter now.  I have decided to leave my future in Gods hands...if i am supposed to be at home or working, God will plan for me.  I am still looking and sending out applications daily.  I still want to work more than anything.  At the same time i am happy with our life as it is...do we really need a bigger house, more stuff....can we just be happy in a small house with three kids and with me at home raising them.  I don't know? What i do know is that it is all in Gods hands and he has a plan for us. 

This little baby shows me what God can do, this baby is so tiny he/she doesn't even have a heartbeat yet.  Somehow my body is already in protection mode and trying to figure out how to make this baby work with our schedule...our constraints...our life.  I am in awe of the power of God.  This has made my day, made my week, made my year, i am happy!

In May, we will be having our third and final child and i am so grateful and blessed for this opportunity! My family is grateful and thrilled.  My daughter is keeping track of the baby's size and comparing it to blades of grass and pieces of food and our son is pointing at his belly and saying baby! My husband is praying for just one but i am saying whatever is thrown our way we are happy with.  I am in awe and so happy, thank-you God, THANK YOU!

My life

I guess i was a little down yesterday when i posted about my job blues.  Job hunting has times where you feel overwhelmed.  With our economy in the tank it is even harder than ever to get a job at a decent salary and keep it.  Human Resources, my degree, is a hard degree to enter into and being an older woman(30) with children and a short job list i am not always the first pick.  I am trying hard to listen when i am told God has a plan. 

Right now i am trying to focus on getting caught up at home and getting through my days without disaster.  We have been very busy with the start of soccer season and Girl scouts.  When coupled with a calendar full of doctor appointments, photo shoots, and homework for Hailey is has been slightly hectic.  As much as i complain about it i know that is the life of a parent and i do love it!

I have been looking at the kids and staring in awe at how much they have grown lately.  Grant is 2 1/2 and full of life and laughter.  He is ALL boy and full of spunk.  He is extremely independent and mechanically inclined.  Instead of watching cartoons he watches the speed channel.  He loves drag racing, nascar, and all the shows on test driving and fixing cars.  He gets mad if i turn it off.  He won't drink plain soy milk anymore only chocolate soy and loves Capri Sun juice packs.  His favorite food is chinese and eats edamame almost daily as a snack.  He is in size 2 shorts, 2-3T shirts, and size 7-8 shoes depending on the brand.  He is doing well in speech and almost didn't qualify for services.  He is speaking many words and some two-three word phrase but many only family understands.  We know he understands every thing it is just getting him to clearly enounciate the words. 

Hailey is 7 1/2 and so grown up now.  She is at that stage where she wants to be an adult but still throws the tempers like a baby.  It can be difficult but i have been trying hard to discipline accordingly.  She lost another tooth last night and was so excited, i was excited mainly because she still believes in the tooth fairy!!! FYI-our tooth fairy leaves two dollars just in case you wondered.  She had her first orthodontist appointment this month and we decided she has four baby teeth that we need to pull to make room for her permanent teeth.  Then at the end of the year we have another appointment to see if she is ready for early braces..they said by the time she is 9 we will probably need some help because of her massive crowding.  I had extensive work as a kid so i am sure she is in for a treat, yikes!  She just learned how to ride her bike without training wheels, don't laugh.  I know it is a little later than most kids but Hailey is very sensitive and doesn't think she can do many things.  We wanted to wait until she was ready and it was a huge sucess.  She learned in about 5 minutes.  Literaly within an hour she was doing circles and breaking perfectly.  Amazed to say the least...

Then she is in Girl Scouts year three and we are just getting started but i am so proud of all she has learned throughout the past couple of years. I believe they have helped her be more confident and a better person.  Soccer is still iffy, she isn't the most focused girl on the team and we are hard on her for it.  At the same time we understand that she is a kid an dwill have days where she could care less to be there.  She is very good at kicking when she does pay attentiona dn i am hoping in a few weeks when the games start she will really pick up the pace and do awesome. She is wearing mainly size 8/10 pants and the same in shirts and a size 1-2 shoe.  She is sweet and loves art.  She makes beautiful portraits of people and 3-D creations.  I can't wait to be able to get her art lessons and see how she grows and all the can learn from them.

This weekend we are going on our first family trip of the summer...maybe a little late but a trip at that.  Since i was on vacation with the kiddos all of June visiting family we just didn't make time once we were back to go on trips all four of us.  So this weekend we got some free tickets to a St. Louis Cardinals game on Friday night.  Afterwards we are going to stay at the the Hyatt Regency at the Arch which is a bit out of our normal price range but we thought it would be a special treat for us all.  We got a suite and hope to have a little time to swim before or after our festivities.  Then when we wake up Saturday we are hitting the St. Louis Zoo.  Grant has never been and Hailey hasn't been since she was 4 or 5 and it is our favorite zoo within 5-6 hours.  Then we will head home.  Jason has some tatoo work getting done Saturday night, yeah i know Uber important right, so we need to get home for that.  I think it will be a perfect way to start our Labor Day weekend.  We are hoping to finish the weekend off with a small family gathering with my mom, and brother's family but nothing is set in stone.  We also have Holiday world tickets burning a hole in my pocket but i am unsure if we will go this weekend or not...it is all a waiting game.  I will try to post more pics soon...maybe even some of my own kids.  I have been a bad blogger lately, i forgot how nice it feels to write all of your frustrations, hopes, and dreams down.  I like sharing with you ...not that anyone but myself read my blog but maybe that is why i feel so happy.  I can write anything i want and not worry about what anyone thinks!

Give Me Strength

I always thought when i got done with my bachelor's degree that finding a job would be easy...well for some that might be so.  For me it isn't! No one wants an older mother who has been a stay at home mom.  They have overlooked my extensive volunteer experience, my ability to run a home based business, my ability to juggle a home, family, school...all at one time.  I just don't understand!  I want to work, i am ready to work, i am responsible...why don't people want that!

I am discouraged and saddened.  I love being a stay at home mom and i love taking care of my family but my time to go back to work is NOW.  I need it for my own sanity.  I need adult interactions and meaningful work.  I want to prove what i can do.  I have always felt a step lower than my working friends, i am smart and i am good at what i do.  I just wish i could express that to others.  They look at my resume and go straight to my work history which was sparse before starting my daycare.  In high school and college i worked two or three jobs sometimes 60 hours a week...but they don't see that.  All they see is a person who has only worked restaurants and daycares and has no TRUE experience.  I am beat.  I am tired of explaining how smart i am, how well i multi-task, how great i am at the computer.  How even though i have kids and a family that i am dependable and will come to work on time and consistently!

I am nauseated at the thought that we want a third baby and it might happen before i find a job and because of that i might never find a job.  If it is hard to find work now i can't imagine anyone in their right mind hiring someone who will need a maternity leave or all the appointments that go along with a newborn.  I am confused and unsure of what i am doing...i am conflicted.  I am wondering if i should put my desires for another baby on hold for awhile to pursue my dreams for a career.  When i know that now is the best time for another child.  The fact that we don't want to wait any longer, we don't want to be older parents, we want our children close in age. 

Is it really that important to find a job? Do i need a career to feel complete? Will my husband  be happy if i don't find work right away? I am just not sure...i am scared, i am tired, i am beat....i want this to be easy even when i know this is my biggest challenge yet! I am ready to push through this and reach my goals but i am not going to give up myself and y beliefs to get there. 

I need a company who is family friendly and willing to let me prove myself.  I want to find a company who will encourage me and push me to do bigger and better things.  I know i will find it but please God let me have the strength and patience to wait for the perfect time to come! I really need it right now!

It's been a long time

To say that i have fell out of blogging would be an understatement....i have fell off the planet, well except Facebook! It seems that i have made myself overplanned and overworked all summer. I feel like the job of a stay at home mom is even crazier now that usual.We took a month long vacation to visit family in Iowa.  Luckily the trip was very relaxing and i was able to meet my sister Katrina with whom i feel like i was able to have a great connection with.  Just recently i found out Katrina is expecting so i will become an aunt again, an unexpected but wonderful surprise. The kids got to ride four wheelers and go carts all day and even fish a couple of times but mainly we just laid low and spent time together which was much needed.

Currently, I have been looking for jobs a couple of hours a day. I have had a few interviews here and threr but most of them don't pay well so we have declined the positions.  I am going back on Monday for my second interview for a job that seems perfect for me but again the pay is borderline...but we might have to compromise as a family and take something below what we want so i can get started.

 I have been doing photoshoots at the rate of almost 1 a week (which is alot for this beginner). I am loving it.  I have been getting more and more props and getting better at rearranging my house to accommodate shoots i have indoors.  I am really really hoping that for Christmas i can get some good lighting because that is my main issue right now! We are also looking into a better camera but we will see what happens!

 I have been volunteering at Hailey's school weekly or more...and the doctor appoinments have been weekly for the past month.  Combine all that together with our normal everyday life and the beginning of school and school activities i think i might go crazy! Hailey is playing Fall soccer again this year so we have two practices and a game each week.  On top of that she is a Girl Scout and has usually two meetings a month.  Then i am a PTA mom and have one monthly meeting and about 4 activities every month....so it can get a little hectic on the schedule.

BUT i am very thankful for my hectic life.  I figure it means we are living life to the fullest.  We are not sitting home being couch potatoes or lazy bums but spending time doing the things we love most.  Sometimes i just want to relax and have a break so i am trying t oschedule more alone/relax time into our schedule but i know as the kids get older they will start doing more on their own and will need us less freeing up some time.  I don't want to miss a second of their activities.  School has taken up so much of my time i have had to miss many of these activities and i won't miss any voluntarily again soon! Those moments are so very precious!!!

I wanted to add some of my photos from this summer and the photoshoots i have been doing! Hopefully it won't be this long again before i write but i can't promise that.  O yeah and we are trying for our third and last child currently so my hectic life will be blessed with a little more chaos and we couldn't be happier with our decision! I will make sure to update you when it actually happens.

I didn't mean to send that last message so soon. I have found my little sister. She is almost 18 and very beautiful! She wants to meet soon! Very cool.

We have found my little sister. Don

Photoshoot in less than 40 minutes. I am thrilled to do this for Star! Gorgeous day!!!

Okay I am trying to add an update from my phone. If this works I am going to be thrilled!

Another Cutie!

Graduaton-FINALLY HERE!

Well i am officially a college graduate, not just another associate degree and yes i have two of those but finally my bachelor's! I am a 30 year old who has finally accomplished the greatest achievement for myself EVER! I have been walking on the moon ever since i took my "final" final yesterday. i am sure Sunday when i walk and shake that hand i will be even more elated. I have never in my life felt so good about something i have done, my mom is so proud, my kids are excited and my husband has been praising me all week. I am sitting here crying thinking of what a hard time i have had getting here. It has been a true struggle both financially and emotionally. It has taken precious time from my kids and my husband that i can never get back, it has left me exhausted and wore down.....BUT it is the best thing i have ever done.

I have learned a lot about myself and the strength i have. I have learned that i can do anything i set my mind too. I have gained self-esteem and the will to keep trying for something bigger and better. I have learned that busy is good. I have learned that the world is so much bigger than where i live and i have it GREAT compared to a vast majority of the world. I am BLESSED beyond what i can express. School has given me the courage to look beyond my dreams and shoot for the stars. I can do anything....and i will!

I have decided that i will go back for my master's at some point. It is a goal i have set for myself for the very distant future. I have faith and it is a goal i will complete, i will succeed. BUT for now i am going to enjoy my family. Enjoy my photography. Enjoy looking for a position in a career i am passionate about. Enjoy the summer. Enjoy watching my kids grow up with a mom who will make all the soccer games, PTA meetings, and girl scouts. I mom who has the time to spend quality time on her family and just enjoy everyone and everything!

I am getting ready to start a new chapter in my life and i feel it truly is the best time i have ever had. I am BLESSED! I am blessed!

2nd Infant Shoot!!

I am really getting into this Photoshop thing...it is highly addictive! I have done two infant shoots and a maternity shoot. Then Monday i have another shoot that is an engagement/wedding shoot for a good friend of mine who just got married a couple of weeks ago...they wanted it simple at the courthouse and haven't gotten any pics yet of just the two of them! I am still learning and see so many flaws in what i am doing but i know it is a learning progress and i am learning new techniques every day! Here are a couple of pics of my most recent infant shoot. Hope you like them!

Newborn Photography

I did some FREE photoshoots this week with two adorable newborns, 14 day old Sophia and 21 day old Aiden. I wanted to help build up my portfolio for opening up Erin Steele Photography! We had a great time and got some amazing pictures, above what i ever could have dreamed. I am excited at all these great opportunities coming my way and hope it means a bright future!

My First Wedding Gig

I am hoping that this will be a vision of things to come but only time will tell...

I am really excited that my hobby could actually help support my family, being FUN in the process. They say you should go to work happy everyday and a photography job could do just that. My photoshop skills have drasticly improved over the past two weeks and i know that everytime i use it i will only get better and better. The chance to make memories last forever is priceless! My first main photoshoots over the next two months is actually going to have all proceeds donated to a family friend who is 31 with cancer. It will hopefully draw in some people and spread my name around while still doing a great thing to help a friend. I am stoked!

I am sorry my posts have been so far apart and haven't had much detail but i have been crazy busy finishing up my last semester of school. I am done in 8 weeks and have a very ful schedule until then. I just can't wait!!