Give Me Strength

I always thought when i got done with my bachelor's degree that finding a job would be easy...well for some that might be so.  For me it isn't! No one wants an older mother who has been a stay at home mom.  They have overlooked my extensive volunteer experience, my ability to run a home based business, my ability to juggle a home, family, school...all at one time.  I just don't understand!  I want to work, i am ready to work, i am responsible...why don't people want that!

I am discouraged and saddened.  I love being a stay at home mom and i love taking care of my family but my time to go back to work is NOW.  I need it for my own sanity.  I need adult interactions and meaningful work.  I want to prove what i can do.  I have always felt a step lower than my working friends, i am smart and i am good at what i do.  I just wish i could express that to others.  They look at my resume and go straight to my work history which was sparse before starting my daycare.  In high school and college i worked two or three jobs sometimes 60 hours a week...but they don't see that.  All they see is a person who has only worked restaurants and daycares and has no TRUE experience.  I am beat.  I am tired of explaining how smart i am, how well i multi-task, how great i am at the computer.  How even though i have kids and a family that i am dependable and will come to work on time and consistently!

I am nauseated at the thought that we want a third baby and it might happen before i find a job and because of that i might never find a job.  If it is hard to find work now i can't imagine anyone in their right mind hiring someone who will need a maternity leave or all the appointments that go along with a newborn.  I am confused and unsure of what i am doing...i am conflicted.  I am wondering if i should put my desires for another baby on hold for awhile to pursue my dreams for a career.  When i know that now is the best time for another child.  The fact that we don't want to wait any longer, we don't want to be older parents, we want our children close in age. 

Is it really that important to find a job? Do i need a career to feel complete? Will my husband  be happy if i don't find work right away? I am just not sure...i am scared, i am tired, i am beat....i want this to be easy even when i know this is my biggest challenge yet! I am ready to push through this and reach my goals but i am not going to give up myself and y beliefs to get there. 

I need a company who is family friendly and willing to let me prove myself.  I want to find a company who will encourage me and push me to do bigger and better things.  I know i will find it but please God let me have the strength and patience to wait for the perfect time to come! I really need it right now!